I once accidently shoplifted eggs from Safeway 12 years ago... I didn't mean to, I was babysitting and needed to get groceries for the family and placed the eggs into the stroller to carry them because I ran out of room in the basket.... and sure enough, I forgot they were in there.... Out of guilt however, I always donate to those Safeway charities at the checkout and have more than made up for the $4 I owe Safeway... ugh, okay.... now I'm feeling terribly guilty about those eggs again. Hmmm, can you go back and pay for something you accidently took 12 years ago?
Anyways, back to my important irrational fear - Prison. We were at Costco last night, and Derek stumbled upon the DVD's of his past favourite T.V. series - OZ. We watched the first episode and it was enough to scare me straight for the rest of my life.
There are some scary, scary people in prison - and despite my boxing skills, I'm a huge pansy and sissy... I'd be forced to join a gang for protection, and unless there's a Scottish bagpipe pride group - there's no one else for me except the Aryans... I don't want to be an Aryan a) I would like my body to stay swastika free b) my head is too lumpy and misshapen to be bald, and c) I'm 100% against what they philosophically stand for, so we would probably clash there....
Which leads me back to being terrified to commit any sort of crime... Derek was pretty quick to point out that given my moral piety and fear of pointy things, I won't ever be in the situation... but just in case I ever even contemplate it, I now am officially scared straight. Consider myself warned.
Seriously –should I call Safeway? This is now bothering me a lot… what if they read this and send me to prison? Could I buy a dozen eggs (they weren’t free range) from Safeway, and then sneak them back onto the shelf so they can sell them again?
